KEY TAKEAWAYS from How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie.
Almost all...all of us would have faced this difficulty of speaking to a stranger and developing a relationship. You see someone and think, it would be nice to make a friendship with them and you make your move, Hey hey hey... wait a minute! That's it ? No! You experience a conversationalist block! ie., you wonder how to start, what to ask him/her to engage him/her for a conversation, how to make friendship with him/her and so on... and finally you decide to drop your idea and get back to your work. Am I right?
You are not the only one. Most of us go through such a situation. Some would find difficulty in making new friends and some would find difficulty in approaching an opposite gender. Anyways, don't feel guilty for it... Because guess what, today I'm gonna give you 5 tips to become a good conversationalist which will help you break the ice, maybe even an ice berg!
Have a nice day guys and enjoy the post.
Tip#1 : Get interested in other people
Do you know who is the biggest winner of friends on earth? Let me give you a clue : One who,
- Wags his tail
- Comes jumping to you
- Always notices you what the hell you are doing...
Yeah that's your 'Jimmy'.
Show other people how much you are interested in them. When they come to know that you are interested in them, they automatically tend to spend time with you because they feel that they are important to you. And they will start showing their affection. People prefer places where they can get the feeling of importance.
Simple, Ask them a question.
"Hello! My colleague told me that you went to Singapore last year for a vacation. I'm planning to go for a tour this year. Can you guide me to select an ideal place for a good vacation?"
By asking him/her, the person thinks that you are seeking his advice and he gets the feeling of importance. And in the process you get to develop your friendship.
Tip#2 : Be a good Listener
What? Can listening helps me to become a good conversationalist?
Yep!
Listening is the easiest way to get people speak. If you are not going to follow this tip, I can assure you that, no one is going to reciprocate it to you. That's the fact. Please be a good listener and later you are going to thank me for this tip.
Listening to others will encourage the speaker to speak more and more. When you are listening, maintain a good body language. Because even when you are listening, if your eyes are wandering and toes are dancing, then the other person will think that you are not interested in them and will terminate the conversation.
Apart from GOOD CONVERSATION, being a good listener will help you in gaining knowledge from your surroundings. So listen to your parents, teachers and friends.
Tip#3 : Yeah! Me too
When you start talking with a stranger, start with a topic which both of you would agree. Get the other person say "Yes! Yes! Me too". Once the other person thinks that you too have the same set of interests and viewpoints, then he/she will feel a personal connection with you. A simple example would be,
people coming from same locality will become friends quickly in college or workplace, because they have something in common to break the barrier.
Now see the difference between these 2 statements,
"Hi Mahesh! I saw you in the Philately club campus yesterday and thought you are a member of it. I am also a stamp collector. I wish to see your collections. Are you free this weekend?"
"Hi Mahesh! I saw you in the Philately club campus yesterday and thought you are a member of it. It's just a waste of time, naah! Who collects stamps these days? It's of no use and I will rather suggest you to try horse riding."
Which one will give the other person a positive impression about you? Well you must have got the answer.
Tip#4 : The Big secret
"Appreciation is the legal tender that all souls enjoy"
Give a hearty appreciation to your friends. Appreciation costs you zero amount of money. So why be a miser. Throw away your ego and appreciate others.
A study revealed that, the reason why spouses run away from husbands is, lack of appreciation. If the tea is good, don't just drink and sit dumb. Open your mouth and appreciate your wife. Give them what they deserve.
But know the difference between Appreciation and Flattery. Give sincere and honest appreciation.
Charles M. Schwab (American Investor) was being paid huge not for his intelligence but for his ability to deal with people.
Tip#5 : First impression is the best impression
SMILE!😃. Greet everyone with a hearty smile and cheerfulness. This conveys the message that you are glad to see them and you are filled with joy. It is quite natural that our actions follow our feelings. Say for example, if you are irritated, then all your actions seem to be half done. If you are sad, then your face will express it and all your activities will be slow.
But the reverse is also possible with us. Feelings following our actions. How? The author tells, 'Incase you are worried, Start humming your favourite song or whistle your favourite tune and automatically your body language seems to shine bright, filled with happiness.'
So smile and express happiness and it will attract others easily towards you. You must have noticed that the happiest guy in your college/school will have many friends. Because people tend to feel happy talking to him. So before going out, set your mind that " I am going out, I am filled with positive energy and will greet everyone with a big smile".
Conclusion
Give others the importance they seek by thinking from their point of view. A problem for X will be a real issue for him but may not be for you. Because of that you can't make fun of X and criticise him. You need to think from X's point of view and find how much difficult it is for X to handle it. And this technique will do wonders for you.To sum up, the core idea behind winning friends is the positivity you express and the positivity you attract.
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